Several years ago, my wife and I were out to dinner with a group of other couples. I don’t know exactly how but the subject of discussion turned to sex. Apparently, this was a group of couples who were not inhibited about sharing because one of the wives said matter of factly, “I must be a boring girl. I’m only interested in doing the one standard position.” As much as I appreciated her vulnerability in sharing something so personal, at the same time I wondered how the conversation got to this point. Before I could even respond, one of the other husband’s (not hers I might add) said, “Well you’re missing out.”
Whether he was right I can’t say, nor do I think their sex life is any of my business. However, I do think every married couple would like to have a passionate, fun, and fulfilling sexual relationship. If you are someone wondering how to improve your sex life in marriage, there are some small habits that can help. I can’t promise that all of these practices will do the trick, but they will definitely move you closer. Here are 7 ways to improve your married sex life.
1. Talk a Lot
Great sex starts with communication and connection. In order to have both you need to do a lot of talking and listening. Be honest and vulnerable about how you feel about your sexual relationship. Don’t sit bitterly in quiet dissatisfaction. Tell her your turn-ons and turn-offs. Ask her what she likes and what she is missing. Your sex life will only be as good as your honesty and vulnerability with each other. Finally, talk during sex. Verbal communication while having sex is just as important as the physical.
2. Send Signals Throughout The Day
In other words, flirt with her. Give her signals that you desire her consistently during the day. Think of it like getting foreplay started early. Before leaving for work wrap your arms around her and kiss her on her neck. Let her know she’s desirable. Give her a once over and tell her how lucky you are to have her. Send her text messages to let her know how sexy she is. Call her in the afternoon and let her know you’ve been thinking about her, and perhaps what you’ve been thinking about her. Even if it makes her laugh that’s a good thing. It means you’re connecting. If you want to have great sex at night you need to start making your moves when you wake up.
3. Touch Her Regularly
This is similar to the last point. Touching her early and often warms her up. I try to touch my wife in some way every time I’m in her vicinity. When she’s at the kitchen sink I’ll give her a ten-second neck massage. If I need her attention I’ll touch her hand. When opening a door for her I’ll put my hand on the small of her back as passes through. These little touches are physical connection points that build trust and encourage vulnerability. It opens the door to a deeper level of physical affection and perhaps the willingness to explore more types. This brings me to my next point.
4. Change Things Up
Many couples get into a rut because they are bored of doing the same thing. For some, it can be like playing the same song over and over again. You’ll never get out of a rut doing the same things. Have a discussion about trying something new. This comes back to the first point. You have to be willing to be honest with one another about what you’d like to try.
5. Work Out Together
Being healthy and in shape will make both of you feel better physically and make you feel more attractive. On top of that, it will lift your spirits. When you are both in a more positive mindset it’s a lot easier to feel passion. A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Get the blood moving by working out together and see what develops from there.
6. Schedule It
We all want to be spontaneous, but in a world of family schedules and kids it’s not unromantic to get it on the calendar. Sex can be like working out. When we do it consistently we want to do it more. When we don’t carve time out and commit, it can be easier to just watch TV or worse. And that brings me to my final point.
7. Stop Watching Porn
There are some who argue that watching porn together can help a couple’s sexual relationship. I couldn’t disagree more. In most cases, it creates distrust at best when trust and connection are the most important ingredients to great sex. How can you connect when you are looking at a screen rather than focusing on each other? Stop looking at porn and start looking at your wife.